Rebekah's Diary
by Twisted Rebekah
Summary: Diary entries of Twisted Rebekah
1. Feb 27, 2013

February 27, 2013

The wind tousles my hair wildly as I drive down the interstate. I have to get away.

Away from Mystic Falls, away from my brothers, away from him.

Not to mention his idiot brother.

My chest tightens as my thoughts rum rampant in my mind. The world suddenly seems too small—as if there aren't enough miles to place between myself and the town that has become so many ticking time-bombs.

I force myself to think of nothing as the miles fly beneath my wheels. Cranking up the radio, I sing to every song, forcing the problems away—for a little while. Two counties away from Mystic Falls, I find a hotel room and change clothes.

Stefan's face comes to mind and I push it away. I need to feed and not on animals. He hasn't said a word about our differences in feeding. He doesn't need to. Those sad smiles he gives when the subject comes up say it all.

Putting on a designer gown feels like heaven after being denied so long. This decade has no taste. Well, I suppose that's not entirely true everywhere, but Mystic Falls isn't exactly a fashion capital.

After going down to the hotel lobby, slipping into the large wedding reception is all too easy. A little small talk, pretending as if I know someone, looking for the man who has come alone. In no time, I'm leading yet another man to yet another room. The steps are always the same. Find a target, lure him in. Then on to sex and feeding—these can be interchangeable—then the kill.

Sometimes life can be rather droll.

Except this time it isn't.

I don't kill him, nor do I use his body. My mind swimming with images of Stefan, all I can do is feed and compel the man on his way. What the hell is wrong with me?

No, this will never do. I can not, I will not give a piece of my heart to him. Not again.

Just when my mind is made up—when I'm ready to disappear from them all—I still. My breath rushes from my lungs as I realize it's too late. Stefan's held a piece of my shattered heart since the 20's when the Ripper enraptured me.

I scoff at the memory. Look what my foolishness got me. Klaus plunged a dagger into my chest and put me in a coffin—all because I wanted to go back for Stefan.

No, this will never work. Stefan is not the same as he was then. He's been through so very much. There's also one other little detail to consider—Stefan will never look at me the way he did Elena.

Does fact that she now loves the idiot brother make a difference? I've no idea.

And even if he did care for me in some way, there are my brothers to consider. An attachment to me could very well mean Stefan's death.

No doubt they'll use any relationship Stefan and I may have against us. I've no doubt that Klaus would drive a white oak stake right through me, without batting an eye, if he thought it in his best interest.

Then there's the thorn in my side that is his idiot brother. How dare he bring up our past indiscretion! How I managed to not stake him then and there is a mystery. A small smile crosses my face as I think of the blood I drew from him—arrogant bastard.

Just thinking of killing Damon brings a smile to my face, and I am quite sure the feeling is mutual. Can I tolerate such an infernal man on a near constant basis?

I'm afraid I've no choice in the matter. Stefan loves his brother. I can't ask him to choose, because we all know exactly who he'd pick.

One night and two bottles of rum later, and I have my answer. The hotel room is mess when I leave, but my head is clear as I drive back to Mystic Falls. I can only hope I'm not making a terrible mistake.


	2. March 4, 2013

March 4, 2013

Leaving the grill, I blink as the sunlight washes over me. Witches, and the daylight rings they provide, are quite useful. Kol drives off in my car, waving as he passes. Getting him to agree stand with me to keep Klaus alive was only the first step.

With my hands in my pockets, I walk slowly, trying to untangle my head.

Elijah has always been honorable with me. I am well aware of this, and I love him for it. However, I am quite sure he would kill Klaus, if he could manage it, for no other reason than to keep us safe. But if Klaus burns, so would Stefan.

The very thought of Stefan dying sends a blinding fury through me. No matter how he feels about me, I will not see him die.

That is the crux of my position. I can not kill Stefan's biggest threat, because the very act would kill Stefan.

Not to mention that very threat is my brother.

God help me, I do love Klaus. Why shouldn't I? Humans grow attached to their brothers over one lifetime. Is it so wrong that I've done the same—despite all he's done to me—when we've shared hundreds of lifetimes? For centuries, my brother has been a powerful dichotomy in my life. One who loves me and uses me in turns. One who doesn't bat an eye at plunging a dagger into my heart and storing me away until I'm useful again.

Which is why it's his fault I lost Stefan in the first place.

Things were going so very well when Stefan and I met. He was dashing, vibrant, confident—a force in his own right. He knew the proper place of humans then. Thinking of the fun we had during the twenties draws a heavy sigh from my chest.

I frown at the next memory.

The night a dagger—with my brother's hand wrapped around it—stole not only eighty years, but Stefan's affections.

I went to sleep with his heart and woke to find he'd given it to another—more completely than he had ever given it to me.

Blasted Elena.

Looking up, I find that I've ended up at the old cemetery—how fitting.

For a moment, I console myself by thinking that if this all goes wrong and Klaus dies, so would Stefan's nasty brother. The thought brings a bit of a smile to my face—which should shame me—but it doesn't. Oh, well.

My amusement fades as my thoughts turn to Stefan again. "Distract me." The very words that drew me to his bed. Spoken not two minutes after he'd admitted that Elena's presence pains him.

Seeing the one that holds your heart love someone else is vastly painful—I know.

Is it enough that I am a mere distraction? Sadly, yes. I'll take whatever I can get. Each touch, each smile from him will be stored away for the days when his touches and smiles are no longer for me. To see him safe and happy will have to be enough.

Heaven help me, I sound like Damon.


	3. March 7, 2013

March 7, 2013

Lying in bed, I think over last few days. Sorrow and rage vie for first place in my chest. Rage at myself, at my pride and temper. Sorrow that things are already strained between Stefan and I.

Perhaps it's all for the best." My words hang in the silence of my room, and I try to believe them.

Stefan really does need to stay at home, be there for his brother. I scoff. Who knew the mighty Damon Salvatore would turn into an emotional mess? And all over that Elena.

I say again: Blasted Elena.

Apparently, my hypocrisy knows no bounds. Is Damon any more of a mess than I've been since waking to find eighty years gone and Stefan loving Elena? Perhaps not.

The same thoughts swirl in my head. The pattern is nauseatingly old, yet the truth will not be silenced simply because it is worn and painful. I want Stefan. Stefan—though he denies it—wants Elena. The idiot brother wants Elena. Elena says she wants the idiot brother. At least she did, before she flipped the switch.

The switch…

It's tempting, to not feel any pain. The pain of being nothing more than a distraction. The weight of not being enough for Stefan turns my heart to lead—cold and heavy.

Stefan's words refuse to leave my head. "Distract me."

Even the bliss of our intimate moments aren't enough to cover the stark truth in his words—the very words that ignited our passion. Before my bitterness has chance to overwhelm me, I close my eyes and shove my lament away.~

I'm rather tired of sounding like Damon.

There is business to take care of. Stefan has his problem brother, and I have mine.

Klaus may be a problem, but he is my brother. There has to be away to work things out and keep those I love safe.

Is that truly too much to ask? I scowl at the ceiling.

The Mikaelsons and the Salvatores—in our world of wanderers and couples, Stefan and I come with families.

With families, comes baggage.

The odds are most definitely stacked against us.


	4. March 9, 2013

March 9, 2013

Moving into the large room, I take in my surroundings, and for a moment, time has gone backwards. Sleek lines, and rich tones take me back to an era I'd gladly stay in.

Confusions lowers my voice. "What is all this?"

"One of my pet projects, little sister." Klaus, resplendent in his tux, smiles. "The twenties was a good time. People knew how to dress, how to have style." He points. "Especially him."

Following his direction, I look ahead and my breath catches.

Stefan.

The gleam in his eyes is unmistakable-the Ripper.

Leaning against the bar, his gaze meet mine. He raises his glass then drinks. Everything slows as I watch him. I'm smiling until Stefan leans to the side, revealing his brother is standing next to him, wearing a knowing smile.

My teeth snap together. "What is HE doing here?"

"This is my opening night, Rebekah." Klaus leans in as his hand goes to the back of my neck and squeezes. "Let's not spoil my moment with your petty problems."

Not wanting to anger him, I nod quickly.

"That's a good girl. Let's begin, shall we?" He raises his chin to Stefan.

Stefan's hand shoots out, snatching the man closest to him, biting into his neck. Our eyes lock as he tears into the throat, blood smearing around his mouth.

I moan softly.

"Run along, darling." My brother gives me a slight push. "Go and join them."

Hours pass as Stefan, Damon, and I gorge ourselves. After the first few satisfy our thirst, we take our time with the rest. Damon is happy to play with the pretty girls on his own, leaving Stefan and I to trade longing glances and occasional caresses as we use up the walking bloodbags.

Finished with the trumpet player, I drop him. "Stefan, I don't understand why your here. I thought you were done with all this."

Shoving a redhead to the side, his eyes bore into mine. "I'm done with bunnies, Rebekah. You'll never be able to feed that way, will you?"

I shake my head, and he laughs softly.

"So, I figured, why let be be a thing?" He stalks closer, speaking softly. "Why let your lack of control come between us?"

Confusion shakes my voice. "What?"

Stefan's hand slides up my neck and tangles in my hair. With a jerk, he's pulled my face close to his. "This is how you want me," he taunts softly. "Dripping in human blood." His head tilts. "Being anything less than the Ripper disappoints you."

"No." I try to shake me head.

His voice turns to ice. "Don't lie to me, Rebekah. I know this is how you want me."

Tears begin to blur my vision. "No, I can love you—the real you—I swear it!"

Somewhere behind me, Damon begins to laugh. "She's no good for you, brother. I've had her, she's nothing special."

I try to turn and tell him off, but Stefan grips tighter. "Ah, that's right. You have been in my brother's bed." He tsks and shakes his head. "Can't accept my diet, can't stand my brother—even though you've slept with him—now tell me, Rebekah…" His nose runs along the edge of my ear. "With all that, why in the hell would I want you?"

He shoves me to the ground, chuckling as he walks away, joining his brother who is still laughing at me.

Klaus is instantly in front of me, helping me to my feet. "Do you see now, little sister? He's doesn't want you. No one wants you." He lifts my chin and smiles. "Stay with me. Together we can make them pay. Stefan can't love you. Why waste your time with him when he's given his heart to Elena?"

I whisper, "Elena?"

My eyes snap open and I'm sitting bolt upright in bed. The truth dawns and fury clouds my vision. "NIK! Damn you, Nik! Stay out of my head!"

He appears at my door. "Time to face the facts, little Rebekah. I'm all you have—all you shall ever have."

With a shriek, I throw a lamp at the door, shattering it, but missing my target.

My brother simply laughs as he goes down the stairs.


	5. March 11, 2013

March 11, 2013

Driving away from the boarding house, my veneer of bravado slips away, erasing the smile I so confidently wore as I told Damon my exact intentions to help him, or perhaps kill him trying.

My fist slams onto the steering wheel in frustration. "Damn you, Damon! Bastard!"

I've never known and man to be so infuriating as Damon Salvatore.

Well…there is Klaus.

All I wanted to do was talk to Damon, the idiot. I swear, the only thing that saves him from a slow, painful death at my hand is Stefan. Worst of all, he knows it, uses it, taunts me with a limitation of my own making.

The things I do for Stefan. I flip my hair back, letting out a loud huff. Perhaps I'm the idiot.

My teeth grit together as I think of how the night went so very differently from how I planned. Sure I'd brought the stakes. A threat is no good without backup. Damon doesn't do reasoning. Damon only understands force—even if it is for his own good.

My loathing wells, keeping in step with my pity for the idiot. "Gads, Rebekah, when did you go soft?" I don't answer my own question because I know the truth. Deep inside, I've always been a bit soft. The thick shell my family forces me to wear is all part of the armor that protects me.

And keeps me from growing close to anyone…

"There you go, sounding like Damon."

His name on my lips sparks my anger and by the time I get back to my apartment, I want to rip the place apart. I hide in a scalding shower instead.

Despite my attempt at distraction, the image of what I've done refuses to leave me. Damon staked and bleeding, his face morphed into vampiric rage. At first, I don't understand my remorse. It's not as if I hadn't made him suffer before, all while wearing a smile. This time was different—this time I hadn't wanted to hurt him. I came very close to losing control until his words made me realize just how much influence I've let my brother have over me.

Tears well in my eyes as the old ghosts haunt me. "I am not him!" I yell to no one. "I am not my brother!" My rage and pain conjure images of my past. Without mercy, they assault me, shouting that I'm lying to myself. Falling to my knees, my sobs grow louder.

Alone, my shell peels away, leaving my nerves, my heart, raw and exposed. My motives for helping Damon are selfish—mostly. Damon is Stefan's brother, and—to me—the word brother means something. More importantly, until Damon and Elena are secure, Stefan will never be free of her. Even then, will Stefan ever be free of her?

I fall over, curling up, allowing the agonizing truth to consume me. Yes, I may want to help Damon because it will get Elena away from Stefan, and yes I may want to see someone get their happy ending. But blast it all, I want my happy ending too. I that really to much to ask?

As I lay in my shower, curled up, I let the tears fall. I must admit—yes getting my own happy ending is most likely far too much to ask for. Perhaps I've simply lived too long, committed too many wrongs for fate to have anything but pain and loss in store for me.


	6. June 23rd, 1519

Ferrara, Italy June 23rd, 1519

...

The tension was steadily rising in the house of D'Este on that fateful day.

My eyes squeezed shut as screams echoed around the bedchamber. In all my four hundred immortal years, I hadn't had a mortal's suffering affect me so. The atmosphere in the large room had changed over the past hour. The joyful anticipation of birth had slowly given way to increasing worry—my own included.

Even with all of the noise and activity, I could hear Nik's impatient footsteps and occasional mutterings as he paced the courtyard.

"Do hurry up, Rebekah." A growl of irritation laced his voice. "This has all gotten quite ridiculous."

I hurried to the basin of water near the window and refreshed the rag in the cool water. Glaring my brother below, I spoke quietly to evade the humans in the room, knowing my brother would hear easily. "I shall not leave until this is done. Go off to town, Niklaus. Come back tomorrow. Better yet, the day after."

The distance meant nothing to our enhanced vision, and our gazes locked.

"Your whims annoy me, little sister."

"As your controlling ways do me, Nik." My hand tightened around the cloth. "You don't have to stay here. You want to go so badly? Do it."

Nik's fists shot to his sides as he took two steps forward. "And leave you here? Use your brain, Rebekah! We must go! Word has reached me that Father knows we are here."

Lifting my chin, I fixed Nik with a hard stare. "I'll not go until my friend is safely through this. I can't believe you are doing this now, damn you! Every time I try to have a normal life, you wrench it from me!"

Looking off to the side for a moment, Niklaus snapped his eyes back to his mine, darkening in anger. "You have until sunrise, Rebekah." A sadistic smirk lifted a corner of his mouth. "Don't make me come in there and get you. It wouldn't bode well for your friend."

Shock froze my features. "You wouldn't!"

"Oh, but we both know I would, dear sister. You've indulged this little whim long enough." He scoffed. "Your precious human. Wouldn't even give me a proper introduction. I have not even _seen_ her."

My jaw locked, but I forced the words out anyway. "I told you she is not well. She has not had any visitors for weeks."

"You have until sunrise." Nik lifted a finger and pointed it at me, signaling that I had used up the last vestiges of his patience. "I am _not_ asking."

That's when I—one of the strongest of my kind—merely nodded in submission and murmured, "Very well. Sunrise."

Seeing Nik finally storm off, I allowed myself a small smile that lasted only until the next pained cry ripped from my friend. I'd scarcely laid the cool cloth on her head when the idiotic chatter began.

"I don't think she'll live."

"The Lord won't save her."

Fury bloomed white-hot in my chest, and it was all I could do to keep a human pace as I stalked to the corner, catching each of the chambermaids by the arm. "You two! Get out!"

The door shut and Lucrezia screamed again. "Something is wrong!" She gasped for breath. "The pain! It is different!"

The midwife placed a withered hand on Lucrezia's bare, bulging abdomen. "Your baby has not turned, Duchessa."

The midwife set each of Lucrezia's feet flat on the bed. "I am going to have to turn the babe myself." She wiped the sweat from her brow and said a small prayer.

Realization of exactly where the midwife's hands were going, sent me stumbling toward the door, sure that I could bear no more.

"Wait!" Lucrezia cried, hands failing. "Rebekah? Where are you?"

Without further thought, I abandoned my retreat and hurried to her side. "I'm here."

Eyes wild with pain and fear, Lucrezia's gaze fixed on me. "Don't leave me, Rebekah. Pl—"

Another scream tore from Lucrezia's small frame, this one was laced with a level of pain that had surpassed all others.

Tears blurred my vision. Rarely did I feel so very helpless. I blinked them away, taking Lucrezia's hand. "I'll not leave you. I swear it. I'll stay until your babe is in your arms."

The three hours that followed crawled by. Several times, Lucrezia's mother went to her knees, praying that God would spare the life of her only daughter. Putting it off as long as she dared, the midwife was forced to reach inside and turn the baby, causing Lucrezia to convulse in agony.

Her back arched up off the bed as she let out a pained cry. "You evil woman! You are killing me! My brother will have your head!" Her hand went to my shoulder, fisting the fabric of my gown. "Rebekah, find Cesare. He'll stop her! He's always protected me!"

A long sigh came from, the midwife. "There. Now we pray the babe comes quickly."

The pain of the turning ebbed, reducing Lucrezia's shouts to breathy whispers. "Go find him, Rebekah. Cesare will help me. He'd never desert me."

I brushed the sweat-soaked hair from her face. "He's dea— He's gone, Lucrezia, you told me yourself. Do you not remember?

The midwife tried to turn the child again, without warning, sending a fresh wave of agony though Lucrezia's body.

Searching the room, Lucrezia cried, "Cesare! Cesare, I need you! Where in God's name are you?"

Her mother began to weep loudly and left the room.

"Hold her, you stupid girl!" The midwife ordered. "I'll harm the baby with her thrashing about!"

I stifled the angry words that danced on my tongue. I had killed for much less, and if not for the fact that we needed the old woman, I would have gladly rid the earth of her for the insult. However, the fact was that we did need the woman—most desperately.

The third try to turn the babe resulted in more screams on Lucrezia's part and more cries for her brother that went unanswered.

I've no idea how long it took to get the first bit of good news.

The midwife fluttered her bloody hands. "Praise God, the baby is coming. Duchessa, you must bare down!"

Lucrezia's voice was hushed and broken by exhaustion. "No, please. I cannot... So tired..."

Fighting to be strong for my friend, I kept a stoic face as I wiped her brow—all thoughts of Nik and his demand to leave gone. "You must, it's the only way for your baby to live. You can do this, Lucrezia."

Her mother swept back into the room with a bottle. "She needs wine to refresh her."

I thought the idea absurd, but Lucrezia took several swallows and then managed to deliver her baby within the hour. When the first small cries filled the air, I wept with joy that the worst was over.

But I was wrong. The baby's cry faded into death within hours as we all watched, helpless to stop it.

Only after the nurse took the dead baby from the room, did I notice that Lucrezia's heartbeat was faltering. The pains of labor long gone, my friend went very still, nearly as white as the sheets she laid on. Running back to the basin to dip the long-forgotten cloth, the brightening sky told me my time was up.

There would be no dissuading Nik when father was on our trail.

Everything around me stilled as I searched for a solution. Looking at Lucrezia, I was so very torn. I knew had to go, just as I knew I had to stay.

"Times up, Rebekah, love. Are you coming down, or do I pay your precious human a visit she shall not survive?"

I rushed to the window and peered at my brother. "No! I shall be there straight away."

With no time to spare, I did the only thing I could. Bending down, I pulled the dagger from my thigh and sliced my palm, squeezing my blood into Lucrezia's empty cup and mixing it with some wine.

Slipping my arm under her frail body, I lifted her head a bit. "Drink, my sweet Lucrezia, it will help you sleep."

Without hesitation, she drank. Guilt thickened my throat at how much my friend trusted me when I least deserved it.

She finished the entire portion and leaned back against the pillows. "Thank you, Rebekah. You have been so good to me. Thank you for not deserting me." Her eyes slipped closed, and her voice began to drift off. "Will you stay while I sleep?"

Setting the empty cup down, I kissed her feverish forehead and lied. "I will. Rest now."

Making the excuse of needing the privy, I left my friend at death's door and joined Nik in the courtyard.

"You look dreadful." Nik shook his head. "You shall not be changing your dress now. You have wasted enough time." Grabbing my arm, Nik strode to a waiting carriage and shoved me inside. "Damn it all, Rebekah. There are times I think you _want_ father to catch us."

My eyes went wide as I settled onto the seat. "Never."

Shouting an order to the driver, Nik sat opposite me, silent and studying me intently for several moments. "Never think about crossing me, Rebekah. Should you ever try to trade me to father for your freedom..."

"Don't say such things." My arms crossed tightly at the insinuation. "I hate him as much as you do."

"Well, sister, you do have a funny way of showing it. One might think that you were stalling long enough to give father a chance to catch up."

"I just wanted to say goodbye properly to her. It's not as if you'll let me come back anytime soon."

With one quick movement, Nik had my chin in his grasp. "Did you clean up after yourself, little one? Compel them all to forget you and all that?" Nik rolled his eyes at my silence. "Please tell me you followed my instructions, Rebekah. I don't have time to deal with one of you messes."

I knew better than to pull away, but still shot my brother a petulant glare. "Of course I did. I had my fun and took care of everything. You do not even have to ask. Now, let go."

After holding on for a bit longer, just because he could, Nik released me and sat back. "That's a good girl."

When Nik's gaze went to the window, his expression changed instantly. No matter how many times I had seen it, seeing fear in Nik always unnerved me.

"He's close isn't he?"

Nik nodded silently, his eyes still sweeping the landscape.

"Can we still get away? He's not going to catch us is he?" My hand pressed against my chest as the dull ache of panic set in. "Gads, Nik, I didn't mean to—"

With a rare gentleness, Nik gathered my hands in his. "Hush now. Rebekah, look at me."

Turning my eyes to his, I expected another reprimand, but Nik's emotions shifted—as they so often do—like the wind.

"You were the only one to stand with me, sister, and you know what that means to me." Squeezing my hands, he declared, "I shall not let him harm you, Rebekah. You do believe me, do you not?"

"Of course I believe you, Nik. I'm sorry for delaying, but..." My voice broke, and I could not go on.

Nik chuckled. "My little sister—feared original vampire, yet so very tender-hearted when the right human comes along." Letting go of my hands, he went back to keeping watch. "Get some sleep, love. You look as if you need it."

Leaning back into the seat, I closed my eyes and saw the friend I left behind. If she died, at least she would turn, but I would not be there to help her. Doing right by her was not even an option. Nik had forbidden me from changing anyone, as it would leave a clear trail for Father to follow. Taking her with us was just as impossible. My friend would be alone, but at least she would live.

The rocking of the carriage teamed with the exhaustion from the events of the past two days, had me succumbing to sleep before we left the country. My last waking thoughts in Italy were of the friend I had abandoned, wondering if I would ever see her beautiful face again.

.

.

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©2013 Twisted Rebekah


	7. July 15, 2013

July 15, 2013

.

Slipping into the cemetery, even the place I go to think feels as if it has walls that are closing in. Storming around with a bottle of rum in my hand, it takes a quarter of the bottle before I can try to get my mind around what just happened.

"Damn you, Nik!"

Things had finally been going well. Finally, there were no enemies in sight, and finally I had made my long hidden feelings known for Juan. The rejection I feared never came, and the years before us looked promising.

Until Nik decided that it all wasn't good enough. That we weren't good enough. "That I'm not good enough, is that it, Nik?"

Hot, angry tears fell as I walked about the cemetery. So much damage had been repaired, yet so much more done. But through it all, I've never doubted my brothers' love for me since we vowed to start over. I stood as a ghost and watched Elijah, Nik, and Kol vow to stay together. I had believed them then. Deep inside I still did. I refuse to ever give up on our family.

Still, hearing that Nik doubted our love for him, doubted mine, felt as thought father's sword was piercing my heart all over again just as it had the day he killed the human I had once been.

I had held Lucrezia as she cried. Hell, I had cried with her. Both of us wondering, where we had failed Nik? What else we could have done to make him see how much he was loved and needed? What had we overlooked? No answered came to us as we tried to console one another.

The bottle was empty much quicker than I wanted. Throwing it at the nearest stone, I screamed over the shattering of the glass.

"Why? Why, Nik?" Going still, pressed with too many questions, and not enough answers or booze, I merely stood there dumbly.

I had no idea what was needed, but I sure as hell am not about to do nothing.

My vow floated throughout the cemetery in the hushed whisper. "You have until I return to straighten yourself out, Niklaus. For when I come back, I will take action. If you still don't believe you are loved and wanted, I will force you to see, however, you may not like my methods."

Good thing I had a little job to do for Red. Shedding a bit of blood was just was I needed to release me anger, so I could deliver the good news to Juan in the morning. Venice, here we come.

.

.

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END


	8. June 19, 2013

June 13, 2013

.

Standing in the middle of my chamber, covered in blood. I blink in confusion. "What in the hell?"

"GOD DAMN IT, REBEKAH WILL YOU FUCKING STOP WITH THE STAKES?" Elijah is bound in my chair, stakes sticking out all over his body, each one pouring blood. He looks like a damn pin cushion.

My head spins. Shaking it slightly, in a vain attempt to clear it, I step closer. "Elijah?"

"GOD DAMN IT, YES! Now get me OUT of these fucking chains NOW!"

Trying to free him, I curse when the lock refuses to open. "Hold on, brother. Give me just a minute."

His voice goes cold. "Hurry up now, princess. You shouldn't keep your Papa waiting."

Rage has my fist across Elijah's jaw before I can register the movement. His head snaps to the side with the force of my blow and stays briefly before he turns to look at me. "How could you do this to me, little sister? We are family. Does that mean nothing to you?"

Before I can answer, Kol's voice sounds behind me. "She doesn't know the meaning of the word. Look what she did to _me_."

Turning, I am horrified to see Kol covered the stakes and gashes. Cesare stands next to him in the same condition, condemnation burning in his gaze. "Even had to torture your little brother, hm? Tell me, big sis. Did you _enjoy_ yourself?"

"No," I protest. "I-I had to."

"I think we've had enough of you, Rebekah," Elijah says quietly. "It's time for you to leave us."

I spin to face him. "No! I had to!"

"She needs to go," Kol agrees. "I'm sick of her."

Spinning again, my voice is weaker now. "No, please."

"Good call." Cesare flicks a finger at me. "What kind of monster does this-" he motions to his wounds "-to family?"

Nik leans against the far wall. "Only matter of time before you get 'round to me. Sorry, love, can't have that. Off with you."

I drop to my knees as their words blend and swell, yelling how I've hurt them, shouting for me to leave.

Covering my ears, I jump to me feet and scream, "NO!"

My eyes open, and I find myself bolt upright in bed, panting. I freeze as I take in my surroundings. When realization hits, and I huff out a shaky breath. "Damn nightmare." Running my hand over my head, I fight to slow my breathing.

I had nightmares for weeks after torturing the humanity back into Kol and Cesare.

Looks like I'd be dealing with them again.

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06.19.13


	9. July 25, 2013

July 25, 2013

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Part 1 ~ On My Way

Crossing the state line brought a scowl to my face. Not even my favorite Billy Joel CD was able to lighten my mood.

Stepping harder on the accelerator, I urged the Charger up to 100, and elected Billy only to replace him with Def Leppard.

I'd become a bit fascinated with the music produced as I lay daggered in a coffin.

Knowing I'd reach my destination in a couple of hours, I worked to shove down the irritation that bubbled in my chest. Driving farther away from Juan was the very *last* thing I wanted to be doing. Still, I really couldn't fault Elijah for making me leave my new mate in our warm bed.

Not when the fault for the entire mess the family was in rested squarely at my feet.

No matter how hard I tried to push the guilt away, it had taken up permanent residence in my chest from the moment Elijah told me that Father's link to him—and all that has come with it—was his part of the price for bringing me back from the dead.

My initial reaction was to hunt down that blasted witch and *demand* that she undo the deal. Elijah would be released from the link, the family would be free from Father's threat, and I would be dead—everything just as it should be.

Without telling anyone, I had been planning on doing exactly that. Of course, I didn't tell Juan of my plan, I merely mentioned that Elijah should have left me to rot in my casket.

Juan's words stunned me. "But if you had stayed dead...there would be no...us."

Within the space of those few words, my plan was abandoned.

When I made the decision to sacrifice my life in order to destroy my mother's soul, I told myself that my family would eventually be all right without me. Even now, I still know that if I were to die right now, that would get over my death...eventually.

But not Juan. Now that our bond was complete, my death would devastate him. No matter how the guilt burned, there was no way in _hell_ I would hurt him willingly. My guilt would have to be dealt with another way.

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Part 2 ~ Uncooperative Witch

Parking in front of the familiar shop, I tapped a finger on the steering wheel and considered my tactical options. My lips pursed for a moment, before I gave vent to my frustration in a petulant snarl. "Once again, forced to go to a blasted witch. Lovely."

Can't say I was surprised when the door to the shop opened, seemingly by itself.

Putting my game face on, I slipped out of the Charger and entered the dragon's lair cautiously, sweeping my gaze over the space. I was pleasantly surprised to find only one witch waiting for me.

My boots thudded against the aged hardwood floor as I drew near, the witch and I sizing up each other. "Such dramatics, Cimmeron. I take it you were expecting me."

"I was." The old witch stood behind the counter with her arms crossed. "Sorry, vampire. You're out of luck. I'm not interested in helping you this time."

"I see." I ran a finger along a nearby shelf, looking at the candles there, appearing unfazed by the news. "But you could if you wanted to?"

She had the nerve to cackle. "Sure I could, but I'm not going to. Good luck getting any witch to throw in with you on this one."

I turned a faced her. "Precisely why not? You helped me deal with our mother. Why is our father any different?"

With a shrug of indifference, she began to thumb through a ratty old book. "The original witch was a threat to me and mine. But, the original vampire hunter is what I like to call a beneficial insect."

My hands clenched at my sides. "As in you'll be glad when we kills us all off?"

"Truth hurts, don't it?" More blasted cackling.

Insulted, I strode across the room, letting my face transform just to remind the hag exactly who she was dealing with, smirking when she raised a warning hand.

"Oh, do go ahead and give it your best shot, witchy." Just to get my bitch on, I curled my fingers tauntingly. "Let's have it then." Cocking a hip, I rested my hand there, my black eyes locking on her. "I didn't come here to hurt you, Cimmeron. However, now you've gone and pissed me off. Perhaps if you apologize now, I shall overlook it."

Cimmeron's face stilled into a look of calm concentration that I know well—and that usually doesn't bode well for me. A shiver of discomfort trickled down my spine. I am out of my element here. The spelled pendant I'm depending on has yet to be tested.

Markus may be Elijah's friend, but I've no idea who ranks higher on the mystical magical food chain.

So I wait…

Only when Cimmeron's face clouds with anger and disbelief, do I allow myself a small smile. "Aw, whatever is the matter, Cimmeron? Your hocus pocus not cooperating today?"

She shoves a wrinkled finger at me and shrieks, "Get out!"

Quite pleased with the trickled of fear in her voice, and confident the my necklace is doing the intended job, I take three slow steps forward. "Are you sure you want to cross me, witch? You, who know so much about me, must know how…" I wave a hand "…insistent I can be when it comes to protecting my family."

She only shouts louder. "Get out! If you lay a finger on me, there will be hell to pay! I can promise you that!"

Glancing at the floor, I relax and let my predator's face fade. "Very well. I will go…for now."

The hag drew herself a bit taller. "Don't you dare come back here!"

"You overestimate your place, witch." I turn and walk to the door. "But, believe me, you are about to me put back in it—firmly." Kicking the door open, I smile as it flies from it's hinges and lands in the parking lot.

Wisely, the witch doesn't move as I get into my Charger and drive off.

Sending a text to both Elijah and Juan, my mind is already formulating a plan B. That witch is going to help me all right. Even if it is the last thing she ever does on this side of the veil.

And it just might be.

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07.25.13


	10. Rome 1499

Rome 1499

There is a very short list of things I fear in this world, yet despite all my careful plans and subterfuge, all these things came together.

Having slipped from Nik's grasp in Spain a year earlier, I immediately sought out Elijah. I've spent centuries running from the ultimate vampire hunter. Tracking my brothers had been easy to learn, but actually catching up to them was another story as they were running from the same hunter I was.

Looking for Elijah is what brought me to Rome. Finding Lucrezia Borgia was the fate-altering happenstance that I never saw coming.

I was quite shocked to pinpoint Elijah's whereabout to the Apostolic Palace of Pope Alexander VI. It had been decades since I'd seen him and had no clue how he'd altered his appearance. Foolishly, I thought he'd taken a position as a tutor or something similar in the household.

Slipping into the courtyard, I hopped to catch a glimpse of him as I walked the grounds, but I was tapped on the shoulder instead.

"Excuse me, Signora, may I enquire as to your name?"

Turning to answer, I found myself looking into a pair of pale blue eye set into a face of pure sweetness. Taking in the richness of her gown, I gave a curtsey.

"I am Rebekah Mikaelson, my lady."

Without a moments hesitation, a bright smile filled the human's face. "Pleased to meet you, Rebekah. My name is Lucrezia Borgia. Are you new to the home of my father?"

I truly hate lying, not that I won't when needed, or it serves a larger purpose. So, as usual, I tried to ride the line.

"Yes, my lady, I am new here. Forgive me for wandering. I was hoping there might be a position for me. A tutor or perhaps a companion for one of the noble women?"

Lucrezia's arm was quickly linked with mine, leading me off to a shady corner. "What luck. I am in desperate need of such a companion. Sit with me, Rebekah. With only brothers, I get so lonely."

Doing as the little human bid me, I laughed to myself that one so delicate should be bossing me about. "Actually, my lady I know precisely what that is like. I've only brothers myself."

My ruse faded within the first hour, and by the second, I knew I had finally found a true friend. She talked of her brothers incessantly, especially Cesare, and I envied her for that as things between my brothers and I were...complicated.

Elijah had faded to the back of my mind until the day Lucrezia came from dressing in a new scarlet gown. Talking a mile a minute, she snatched my hand and practically dragged me to the Pope's chambers. I froze in my tracks when Elijah's soft chuckle caught my ear. After spending many night crying into my pillow for missing him, I could not make myself go into that room.

Full of excitement, Lucrezia went in without me only to turn on her heel. Concern instantly filled her face as she reached for me.

I pulled her to me whispering as quietly as I could. "My apologies, I am suddenly unwell. Please do not mention me to them, do not even speak my name. I beg you."

Doubt flashed in my friend's eyes and I feared I would have to resort to compulsion, but our bond was already strong. She merely nodded as I scurried away.

I could not believe it. Her brother's friend was my brother. In that moment, meeting Elijah would be so easy and with the touch of dramatic flair I adored.

Yet I refused.

What was wrong with me? After being apart for years, due to Nik's intolerance, I could see Elijah again, yet I didn't want to. Hearing a servant call him 'Lord' stopped me cold. I had finally freed myself from one controlling brother. Did I really want to run to another?

All I wanted was to live as the humans around me lived. To have a home and friends and peace. I had not know those things in so very long.

In Lucrezia I had found not only a close companion, but-dare I think-something even closer.

Even with her I couldn't share all. To tell her my secret would mean her death. I knew, that on the day we parted company, I would lose a kindred soul. The closer we became, the more I ached inside, for I knew it couldn't last. Hiding from my brothers was getting harder. More than once I had to hop out of bed and fake a fit of coughing, or some such nonsense to keep Elijah from sneaking into my room at night. Kol didn't seem to care who Juan's little sister spent her time with. Elijah, however, didn't like unknowns in his life.

Just when I thought I didn't know what to do, fate stepped in a make the choice for me.

I awoke in a foul mood. Between hiding from Elijah and the secrets I was keeping from Lucrezia, I wasn't sure how much longer I could go on.

I knew I should just reveal myself to Elijah and be done with it, but every time I planned to do so, a flicker of fear held me back. My eldest brother had always held a commanding presence, but there was something else about him that had...intensified. Not to mention, he would be disappointed in me for hiding. Seeing disappointment in Elijah's eyes is something I've always found hard to take.

Despite my irritable mood, off to the market we went, so saith the Pope's daughter. She prattled on about finding a ribbon for my gown, trying to cheer me, no doubt. She'd asked me several times what the matter was, but I refused to answer. My mind was on much heavier things that I didn't want to burden my friend with.

Like the first time, Lucrezia changed my fate with one sentence.

"Good morning, Lijah"

My blood ran cold. Elijah and Cesare had left Rome early that morning, and I knew of only one man that might be mistaken for my eldest brother.

Peeking around the stall, I saw one of my worst fears played out in the harsh light of reality.

Moving as fast as I dared, I slipped between the girl I had grown to love and the man that I feared above all.

"Hello, Father."

The cruel smile I remembered turned my stomach. "Princess, how I have missed you."

Stepping back, I clutched Lucrezia's hand, silently begging her to say right behind me. My mind raced. Father had me dead to rights-my life was forfeit.

The tiny whimper from Lucrezia stoked my anger and made my course of action clear. Mustering all the bravado I had, I lifted my chin in defiance of the man who helped make me what I am, and also wanted to kill me for it.

"Congratulations, Father, you've found me. If you wish me to go along like the good girl I can be, there is something I want in return."

Despite her efforts, Lucrezia's sobs pounded in my ears while her tears wet the shoulder of my dress. It was all I could do to keep an even voice as I cupped her face in my hands and compelled the sister I never had.

"You will go straight home and speak to no one until after you have slept." Unseen by my father, I looked down, breaking the compulsion. "Stay calm and composed as you leave. You will forget me, and you will not speak of me again." Looking at Lucrezia, trying to put all I could into my expression, I asked, "Do you understand?"

With a slow nod, Lucrezia stepped back and turned on her heel, walking away with her head held high.

Father yanked me back by the hair. "You fight me, and she'll be dead before she leaves the square."

My eyes locked on dagger aimed at my heart. "My word actually means something, Father. However, if you think I will tell you a thing about my brothers, you will be sorely disappointed."

Leaning in, Father twisted his hand in my hair. "That's all right, Princess, we've got all the time in the world."

I left Rome in a wagon-the back to be precise. Laying in a coffin, without the benefit of a dagger. I listened to my father blather on about all the tortures he had in store for me.

The four months that followed were the longest of my life.

/END


	11. Sept 1, 2013, Moving On

09.01.13

Disclaimer posted before this solo went on the TL:

Before I get on with my plans for the evening, I feel the need to say a little something. What I, Rebekah, and about to do has to do only with me, Rebekah Mikaelson, vampire. It has nothing to do with the humans behind the accounts. This time last month, I lost not only my little brother, but my mate. I didn't grieve them, mostly because I was trying to spare human feelings. You know what? That has turned out to be the worst thing I could have done. So what I am about to do is for me, and is in no way a guilt trip to the humans behind those I have lost. If you don't like it, please don't read, and do save your comments, for I don't really give a damn, anyway. Those that are closest to me will understand that this is what I, Rebekah, need to do, so I can face tomorrow, with my family and friends and actually smile and quit faking all the damn time. {bows} Thank you.

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After waiting what I considered to be a long enough time after sending my text to Elijah, I shouldered my tote bag and headed outside. It had been a month since I had been to the old cemetery.

One month since a day I wished I could forget.

Not long after I left the Manor property, I took the first bottle out of my bag. I would not be getting drunk tonight. I wanted every moment to remain in tact, stored in my memory with clarity. Tipping my bottle back, I let my mind go rummaging through memories that I had deemed off limits for the past four weeks. I began to sort them and put them in order.

Some tears fell, as expected, and for the first time since that day, and didn't try to hide them. I've hidden so very many, and after this night, I would hide more. Not tonight. Tonight I would purge and cleanse and start again.

I stopped at the gate. Letting my eyes sweep the area, I made sure I was alone. I easily identified the large mound of dirt, freshly dug, in the back corner. Taking another sip, I made my way slowly among the headstones, not speaking, not really enjoying the quiet. This place, what had once been my place to go for solitude and quiet, had been forever ruined.

Reaching the grave that had once held my little brother that I loved-well, love actually since he is alive-I drop my bag and move to the edge of the hole and peer in. The coffin was still there, open and empty.

"Well, little brother. Seems rather stupid that the first time I come here is when you're not even in there any more, but what the hell. You leaving doesn't make sense to me, so I guess we are even." Taking a slow sip, I remind myself to let my anger free. "Dammit, Cesare, you didn't even let me talk to you!"

My first sob threatens, but I fight it off, wanting to get the words out and done. "I know it wouldn't have made a difference. Bloody hell, it might have. Surly I know one thing I have to say would have made you pissed at me, but let's start with the good stuff, shall we?"

Reaching into to my bag, I pull out a bottle of Limoncello. "We drank this the night before I died. Actually, we drank it on the day we met as well." With a grimace, I throw the bottle in hard, shattering it against the casket.

"By the way, you never saw me sneaking around back in 1499, but I saw you. Lucrezia always fawning over you. How could you leave her?" I sit and let my legs dangle, wiping a few tears away uselessly as more came right after them.

"I was actually referring to meeting you here in Mystic Falls. Sister and I did a damn good job pretending to meet for the first time, didn't we?. Still, I was trying so hard to be nice to you over that whole mess with Caroline." I take a long drink and the memories begin to rush in, taking another swallow when a sob claws in my chest.

"Cesare, remember the first time we sparred and tore the shit out of your house? Fantastic, that was. You were the only one that would spar like that. You weren't afraid to draw blood or crack a few of my bones." I can't help but laugh softly at the memories. "Or lose. Gads, I will miss that."

The silences hangs as I smile, lingering over the good times, yet all too soon, it fades. "Then a month later Juan came to town and..." The dam begins to crack, and I hold fast.

"I knew from the beginning. There was just...something about him." I scoff. "But he was a damn human and you swore he was no good. Next thing I know, you have worked things out and he's a vampire." Tears fill my vision, and I cry only long enough to get control. "I spent _months_ bending our sister's ear about him. I waited so damn _long_ just to tell him. I knew he was the one, but damn it all, I tried to be so careful."

Anger hits me fast, and I throw a half full bottle in. "We only had three weeks! That's it!" Storming over to my bag, I yank out another bottle of rum. "He took me to Italy, and even that went to shit. We saw _one_ thing in Venice. The Rialto bridge. Once damn thing, and Elijah had to call us home." I stop and listen to the silence around me. The words I need to say are jabbing into my tongue and by the time I find the courage to say them, my voice is broken and small.

"I loved him."

Pressing my hand to my mouth, I wait-longer this time-for the flood to subside. I need to get all the words out before the tears can have full release. "We were happy...so very happy and _mated _and all that went to complete _shit_ the day you died, Cesare. That bastard that killed you, he told us that you begged him to kill you." Anger locks my jaw as I shove my finger at the place where Cesare lay only a few days before.

"Straight away, I _knew_ it was true. You were always so unhappy. You had family and friends and a _mate_, but you simply couldn't let go of your past." The fire leaves my voice as it withers again. "I knew it was true, what your murderer said, and I had this awful feeling." I shake my head slowly, clutching the bottle to my chest.

"I had to know, so I went to Juan privately and I asked him." I take a long shaky breath. "Juan said he knew. He knew what you were going to do, and he didn't tell me. His MATE, and he didn't tell me." Swiping my wet cheeks with the back of my hand, it registers that I'm slowly rocking in a vain attempt to comfort myself. I force my body to still.

"I was so full of shock and hurt over losing you and then Juan tells me THAT-and tells me in no uncertain terms-that it is not open for discussion. 'No drama.' He said." Twisting the bottle into the earth beside me, I watch the label move.

"In one sentence I ended it. Thanks for that, Cesare. You made him chose, and he chose his brother. Well done. I hope you are proud. Then-and i don't even understand how-you come back, while I'm daggered, only to leave before I'm conscious." Rubbing my forehead with the tip of my finger, I close my eyes. "I'll not pretend to understand, little brother. I've not one clue what in the bloody hell you were thinking. Still, you're gone, you're not coming back, and you've left a slew of people who love you. Even me."

Lifting my gaze, I hope-even now-to see the Cesare's face. "After all...after Juan...I still love you. I hope you find what you're looking for. Who knows? Perhaps you'll find your brother and you can be unhappy together."

I raise my bottle. "To Cesare Borgia: Gone, not forgotten, part of my history. I suppose I will see you in hell in the end. We can spar then." The last bit of rum slides down my throat, and I throw the bottle in to shatter and join the other shards that sparkle in the moonlight. Laying back, I pull my bag across the dirt and retrieve the final bottle.

"Juan, wherever you are, I release you-as if you need it, but apparently I do-we were mated but you proved I never held you heart. That's a bit sad really. You're not coming back. I get it now. I've spent a month hoping, and it's hit me like quite the slap in the face."

I crack the seal and toss the cap in. "It's your fucking loss, just so you know. I am fiercely loyal and would have given you just about _anything_. You just had to go and mess with the _one thing_ that I wouldn't give. I've said it many times to many people. I even said it to you, yet you wouldn't listen."

Pointing straight ahead, I picture the first time I spoke them to the human I would eventually love after he turned. "Never get between me and my brothers." Scoffing, I drink. "And that's just what you tried to do. Well, we both know how that turned out."

I lean back on one hand and wave the bottle with the other. "I burned the bed we shared...and all your clothes...and all the furniture I bought before you moved in. Made a lovely bonfire. My family thought I had lost my mind." I laugh, thinking of everyone's faces as I came downstairs that day.

"That's something I have that you don't, Juan. My family. My friends. They are the reason I am moving on with my head on straight, and not doing something stupid like running of to that bitch Qetsiyah and making some damn deal."

Reaching behind my head, I unclasp one of two chains I wear. I gather the ends in one hand and hold out a miniature of the Rialto bridge dangling from the end. "This is the only thing I kept. I've worn it every damn day, and it's time to let it go. Let it all go. You...my ideal of having a mate...all of it. I gave you my heart, Juan, and you stomped on it." I give the chain a small toss and land it in the center of the dirty coffin. "Karma is a bitch, Juan. You have fun with that."

Getting to my feet, I take a long drink. I don't want to stop, because I know what is coming, but soon the bottle runs dry, and I've no choice. Throwing the bottle down hard, my eyes close when it shatters and I let the tears and sobs have their way. My words are spent, and the time to cry has come. I do not fight the sobs and all the goes with them, I simply ride it out, hoping there is an end to it all, that there really will be a new day tomorrow, where I can start over. Instinctively, my arms wrap around my middle as if I can somehow hold myself together as I fall apart.

The moon is high when my cries finally fade, and my tears trickle to nearly nothing. I pick up the abandoned shovel and begin to fill the hole, only after I yank the headstone from the ground and toss that in, too. One shovelful at a time, I fill the hole in the earth, knowing that the one inside me will take longer, but in time, my heart will heal.

I will visit Caterina tomorrow. She has lost her mate as well. We will help each other, and we will learn to move on.

The last bit of dirt in place, I throw the shovel down, and turn on my heel, only stopping long enough to snatch my bag from the ground. I walk away with my head held high, and I do not look back as I head for home.

My name is Rebekah Mikaelson, original vampire and sexy badass. I will refuse to wallow any longer.

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End


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